"Dude, remember that night I got impounded?"

This has gotta be sent into Jay Leno, of Dumbest Criminals, or something.

Tonight around 0100 we got 2 911 calls. First one was from a local college apartment complex saying the fire extinguisher glass had been broken and there was blood smeared all down the hallway and all over the walls.

Second one was a local tow company. They had just impounded a vehicle from said apartment complex. When they got the vehicle back to the tow yard and started to take inventory, they found, (amongst other things) a guy passed out in the back seat. UUMMMM ya. Kinda funny at first, till the tow truck driver starts screaming that he is covered in blood, and he doesn't know if the guy is breathing or not.

Paramedics and officers rush down, yada yada yada. Turns out, the guy is not only breathing, but VERY intoxicated. He had punched the glass for whatever reason, and cut his hand pretty bad. He then proceeded to smear it anywhere he could. (sometime after the glass-punching and blood smearing, he drunkenly made his way to his car and passed out in the back seat. At which time both he and his car were towed.)

The funniest part of the story is, he is so drunk he probably won't remember any of this in the morning, and is going to wake up in his cell having no clue how he got there. Which is kinda a bummer. Can you imagine being a college kid and actually being able to tell your buddies "dude, I so got impounded last night!"

ya, stuff like this is total job security.